Tuesday, April 28, 2009

when dreams end


when do dreams end?
have you ever asked yourself this question before?

i used to think that when you failed, then the dreams will end.

but now thinking back on it...that's totally wrong.

dreams end only when you stop dreaming.
don't you agree?

the moment when you feel like giving up, is actually the moment when you can't the most.
that moment might be the one that will change everything.

all grown up?



i SEEK a lot of reassurance and answers from others....
especially, my Dad.

'will everything be okay?' .... 'do you think it's okay to do that?'
'i don't know what i want to do with my life...i don't know what i want to be'
'am i doing this right?' .... 'what should i do?'
........................

a call from home would usually remedied everything.
my injured pride. my disappointments. my confusions. my hurt.
- always recharge my energy to max -

but without realizing when...and how...
the word SEEK has changed to SOUGHT.
now, the calls and the long talk failed to bring the comfort that it used to give me.

my worries. my doubts. my sadness.
i have recognized them all as mine - i take responsibility for them from now on.
knowing that others can only help so much.... knowing that life is too precious to be wasted away...
knowing that i have so much to be grateful for... knowing that there must be a place for me out there...
gives me courage to face the world - to make my own decisions.
and that brings so much more satisfaction than i thought it would give me.

is it because i'm all grown up now?
just the thought of it makes me laugh.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

....rain?


The weather is so hot...

yes..i can barely stand it myself. Go sit in front of the fan, it'll cool you off.

No...is it still hot. Now I'm starting to sweat like a pig.
Dad, when will it rain?

I don't know...but it sure doesn't look like it'll rain today though....

i remembered him going out of the house after that....
then, a couple of minutes later...i saw rain pouring outside of the window. The sky was vivid blue - no sign of gray clouds or anything...but still, it was raining. Curious, i popped my head out of the window. There...standing on the lawn, my Dad was holding a hose - pointing straight up unto the roof.

feel better?

yeah...totally.

Ha....it is sure hot today too....maybe later, i'll phone home =)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

'Proud' by TVXQ

video

As i listen to the song's melody...as i delve into its lyrics...
and all the while, reflecting on the journey that they have gone through to get to where they are now...

to be able to stand on that stage...

singing 'Proud' in front of thousands of people...

living their dreams...

my tears...just won't stop falling.


Knowing their past lives...the hardships...the pain...
leaving home with just hopes and dreams...
....they were only 14.


to see them now - on that stage - it's a miracle.

it's a miracle.

thank you...now i know...
dreams do come true....

Friday, April 17, 2009

i'm happy ! =)


i've just received the Renee Award from Delwyn!
i am so happy and... so honored.
i must say that i didn't expect to see my name along with the others.
.........
thank you, Delwyn.
thank you always for your support, guidance and kind encouragement.

....means a lot to me...
i'm keeping it along with my other treasures =)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

you and me and the sky


i took this picture earlier while i was going out.
can you see the thin-white line stretched across the sky?
it was actually, one of those small airplanes - with thick-white smoke coming out of their end -
sending 'sky' messages....to whom, i do not know.

a sudden thought hit me while i was looking at it....

at that moment, i wondered.... how many people were looking at the same patch of sky like me?
feels as if we're all connected...somehow.
staring aimlessly at the sky...wondering what's the line for...

the thought overwhelmed me....
the simplicity as well as the beauty of life - telling us that we are never really alone.

there are other people at the other end of the white line.
a promise hung in the air, that we'll meet someday.
because that is just how the world is....sometimes things just happen.
they just happen.

my first love? crush?


Today, i watched a Korean variety show - 'Come to play' on you-tube. One of the guest artists was TVXQ, so...you can only imagine how excited i was to see them! They talked about a lot of things and one of them was about love - their first love and their ideal kind of woman.

listening to them sharing their stories.... reliving past memories of their first love... i could clearly see the happiness written on their faces.

As if they were back being high school boys... Occasionally, smiling shyly to the far end of the room...stumbling on a few words....looking down at their hands...eyes shining like the stars - so innocent and sincere.

at that moment...i could almost feel their happiness...
and they reminded me of how it felt to be in love - such bliss...

Watching them... makes me want to fall in love again (wow, i can't believe i'd just admit that...). it was a long time ago that i just forgot about how happy being in love can make you feel. Funny how after all this time, now....there was never another after my first love, you see...the feelings never came again....

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Problems + element x = life


what do you think of my newly 'baked' equation regarding the mystery of life?
straight out of the oven!
well...maybe not 'mystery' ...... a fact of life?

problems + problems + problems + element X = life

ridiculous? ....or perhaps it is something that you can connect with?
herm...

life is like a sink with a drain...
(now that i think about it, every sink has a drain. DUH).

problems keep pouring in like water through pipes...
the sink will try to hold them off, but only for so long...
then after a while, down they go into the drain.

all of the craziness - solved or unsolved problems - they gotta go somewhere, right?
so...some would choose to ignore 'the laden amount of water'...others just 'let it go shooosh into the drain.
take your pick. its your 'sink'.

How you 'manage' your sink will influence your 'element X'.
what is element X?
you tell me.

come on guys...there must be something that you 'gained' out of the 'mess'...
if the 'sink' needs repairing, it is an EXTRA if the plumber happens to be someone hot.
what? am i wrong?

you decide the X.
because the X and along with the 'problems' can make your LIFE meaningful.
you just need to see deeper into the 'water'. =)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

life's journey


most people i know, hate the public transportation. well...at times, i do too. especially, during peak hours like around midday and in the evening. the situation is even worse on festive holidays... it's like a war. without a certain level of mind preparation, i doubt that you'll survive the journey. public transportation is indeed, not meant for those who are weak at heart. i am certainly not exaggerating, i am merely telling the truth (well, maybe a little).

however, even with the 'pushing', 'shoving', 'eyes rolling', 'bad odor' and sometimes 'mechanical problems'....i have come to love the public transportation. i enjoy riding the bus and the commuter. it's not weird.....is it?

i simply enjoy the rides. i love sitting by the window and looking into the outside world....to me it feels safe. honestly, i kind of looking forward to the journey home by bus. to me, it symbolizes the current state that i am in; in the middle, still searching for a goal...a destination in life. i find myself immediately at calm during those numbered hours - to think life through - slowly deciding which way i should be going next.

in less than a month, i will experience a 'new ride' into a whole 'new world'...wonder how my perspective and view on life will change then...or will it not change at all? i, honestly do not know.

liking the 'me' inside...


i used to have this image in my mind...
an image of the kind of a person that i want to be.

but after having learned and realized the truth,
that i am far from being that person...
instead of feeling frustrated and disappointed,
i felt liberated instead.

the outcome has indeed, surprised me.

i am beginning to feel more and more comfortable inside my own skin.

'nobody is perfect' - yep, i hear it loud and clear.

i accept the 'bad' as well as the 'good' in me.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

black n white....

These are a few sketches that i have made...

i have always love the trees... many of my paintings or sketches are of trees.
there is something about them...so calming and mysterious.
almost like a time capsule...
recording our lives...
stood at the far corner...as an observer.
as a witness.


well...this one is my portrayal of a person's brain.
so complicated....
fragile...but yet simple?

hermn....the mood was kind of 'hard' and 'confusing' at that time, so....


and this is one of the old one....back when i was in my first year of study.
inspired by a japanese anime i watched at that time.

............................
so...........................................
i would really appreciate your comments =)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

my last painting...

it has been a couple of years since i last drew anything.

hard to believe that there was a time in the past...
when i was never without a sketch book and a pencil by my side.

i guess, that part of me has moved on...
evolved into other new windows of opportunity and possibilities
waiting for me to discover.

however...the truth remains that...
i can't seem to be able to put my finger at anything in specific.
i've been wanting to find something that could drive me full speed into the limitless world...
to live only for dreams...
and to be able to say "Yes, this is what i want to do with my life"

i'm confused.
i'm afraid.

will i ever find the life that i wanted?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Eat cakes =)





Have you ever wondered why a cake is simply a must in celebrations?
at birthdays..on festivals...
when you won a competition...got a promotion....
at times like these, the table is never without a cake.

chocolate cake....sponge cake...layered cake....
ice-cream cake....fruits-and-jello cake...wedding cake?
herm....
my favorite is definitely Secret Recipe's
the one and only...
espresso-cheesecake!

you could bribe me for anything using that cake....mmmmnm =)

tell me, what's your favorite?

there's a long story behind my cheese cake...and it all started with the opening of Secret Recipe's branch near my house.
should i call it a blessing or a curse?
i hold them responsible for the extra pounds i gained...
them..and those cakes...delicious cakes....
it's an addiction.

now, i restrict myself to buy only a slice just on rare occasions.
when i have something really really special to celebrate.....
i take it as a gift i give myself for a job well done.

how about you?
what is your 'cake' story?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

i will find my way

i've been listening to a lot of songs by Hins Cheung lately.
especially, "My Way".

"i will find my way...i want a different way
after the wind and rain...there'll be a brand new day."


i first heard it on the radio -my.fm. - a Chinese radio station.
although at first, i did not understand a word since it's in Mandarin,
but now...
i am sufficient enough to follow their music charts.

i have been listening to the station for the past 8 years.
it's amazing how music could transcend barriers...

in my room, while working on an assignment...
on the bus or just walking from classes...either on my laptop or walkman handphone...
i'll be listening to "My Way".

it gives me courage and inspiration to move on...to change...
life and also my own self.

hins cheung.