Tuesday, June 30, 2015

My Confession about Love

I have several reasons for staying single; what’s yours?

It does not help when you are a forced observer of your parents’ relentless bickering.
It does not help when you have to witness what you thought was a beautiful marriage ended up being dismissed in court.
It does not help to see family members ceased to be family, fighting over monetary items.
It does not help when you saw your nephew asked his grandmother to be his mother…

If there is a sound for when hearts are being broken…
It was the sound when I witnessed as she threw away the trust built on unconditional love given to her by her parents.
It was the utter silence…
But on her father’s and mother’s faces screamed in such brute force… painful sadness.

Do you know what didn’t help in that situation?
I don’t think she knew the gravity of what she has done…
It does not help make anything better.
Nothing was better.

And it does not help the fact that I am a branch of the same tree and I am worried of only repeating history.
After knowing and accepting the worthless I am…
I’d rather be miserable alone than to share it with someone I might love with all my heart.

I know there are worse realities than mine…
I know that I am still far better off than some…

But when it comes to love, I am scared to give mine away.
Because since the very beginning, I am aware that mine…is not whole. 
It is not beautiful as a rose.
It is not innocent as a daisy.
It is not memorable as a morning glory.
If anything, it is like the aster – small, colorless-white, and weak.

When it comes to love…all that I have to offer is all of my ordinary self.

Love, Moonshin.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

A cake, a card and a grateful heart.

On our last day of class this semester, my students gave me many priceless presents...

My students had perfect class attendance and they were never late to class but on that day...
I had to wait a full 5 minutes before I decided to call the class rep to find out just what had happened.

She picked up only to say that they were on their way.
To think that it was the last day of lecture; I was heart-broken.

But as soon as I had finished that thought, there was a knock on the door and my class rep entered with a cake in her hands.
My thought was, "Oh my God...."
The rest is self-explanatory.

They gave me words in a card they made themselves. 
Not just any ordinary words; words that will burn brightest in my darkest hour. 
Words that will no doubt put a big smile on my face as I look back on them later in life.

They gave me joy. 
They gave me beautiful memories. 
They gave me meaning.
They gave me strength...

That day, I sincerely felt grateful to be alive.
I was grateful to have become  a teacher and to have these memorable moments with my students.

I love all of you too.

Love, Moonshin.

Happy Father's Day, Dad :)

I was a weird and a difficult child and still am.
I was always curious and thirsty for wonders and still am.
You have shown me all you could and still do - thank you...

For believing in me when I couldn't.
For loving me so unconditionally when I myself, couldn't.

For always saying that you are proud of me...

God, I am so grateful to have my Dad in my life - You know how much I need him.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Love, Moonshin.

Mom ;)

A few years back, my Mom and I were almost hospitalized for the same health problem.
One day, I even fainted on top of my Mom.
I remembered asking her, "Mom, how come this seems to affect me much worse than it affects you?"

Her answer had me puzzled then...

But now, I understand its gravity.

"It is not about who having more strength than the next person...I am simply stronger...
because I have a reason to be".

Love, Moonshin.

Monday, June 22, 2015

7 Days to just...be.

"I travel not to escape life but for life not to escape me" (Anonymous)

Following the first promotion - I was already overwhelmed with work.
When the second came - I was sure that was not the life I wanted for me.
Too many things have happened in the expand of 3 years...
...too fast...
I couldn't breathe.

So I woke up one morning in early March...
...feeling different and determined than ever...
...for some reasons, Sydney came to mind...
And after work, I went straight to the counter to buy my flight ticket.

That was how it came about...my 7 days in Sydney.
Like the quote, I simply didn't want life to escape me.

And what a trip it has proved to be...I needed it.

"The waves of the sea help me get back to me" (Anonymous)