My VIVA went really well last Tuesday.
was at 2.30 in the afternoon and I drove my own car over to the faculty.
hours worth of journey back-and-fro...
made it home in time for dinner with my family.
ordinary to you?
was beyond my wildest dreams, for me.
was holding back on a lot of things before came Tuesday.
just couldn’t move on...couldn’t act on any of my plans...couldn’t be happy and
celebrate any of my good news...till I was sure my Master is in the bag.
the society THAT is my worth.
whole being - my very existence is my brain.
My qualification – my Master degree....for
pays for my car, for my dreams, for my wish to be useful – for my everything.
maybe a little...
I am very proud of myself for the fact that I earn every penny out of my own effort.
am very grateful.
be able to make a living out of something that I love; that, in itself is a
form of joy.
the past, I’ve learned that...
aren’t always kind.
isn’t always fair.
isn’t always there.
I couldn’t recommend any of my students even though they are good because my
opinions carry no values in comparison to those of a professor’s.
couldn’t keep out ‘alien names’ from invading my own work because I needed the
funding, ‘publicity’ and ‘network’.
kept asking whether the car I’m driving is really mine.
used to exclaim in great disbelief to discover I went around places by bus...
had been wondering out loud whether I have graduated or not.
used to have the ‘modesty’ to talk in secret behind my back but now; they
announced it at gatherings among old friends.
little bit of explanation on my part might reduce the ‘white noise’ a bit, I
I have never been one that goes around asking people to understand and accept
don’t see the whole of me just as I do them.
me that’s makes it fair.
living 24/7 and they based their judgment on me on a fraction of that time.
thinking, how accurate and valid is that?
why should I let it bother me?
I know of my life and how I am; are facts to me.
is a fact that I received many compliments on my dissertation.
is a fact that a lot of people had congratulated me that day.
hearing the result, I cried and was soon, embraced by my lecturers.
it is also a fact to me and only me that I had crossed yet another item on my
bucket list and it was not my MA qualification.
started my list 2 months ago after realizing that I am not getting younger.
want to keep track on some that I have achieved and those that I haven’t...
be crossing out on two more comes October...maybe three.
aren’t always unkind.
isn’t always unfair.
STILL isn’t always there.
things only make my head hurts when it shouldn’t.
I trust myself to make things happen and to better the present to make sense of
the past and to brighten up the future.
passed the stage where I could only dream and do nothing...
I can make things happen.
me tell you this that it had nothing to do with me getting my MA or whatever...
was only because I decided to be.