Saturday, August 28, 2010

a bottle of candy

if...for every scarred hearts that we healed,
turned into a candy...
will mine fill a whole bottle?

have i ever helped anyone?
have i ever 'healed' anyone?

the funny thing is, sometimes this healing works accidentally... the spur of the moment...
when you are no longer thinking...
only to feel.

this morning, i received a text message from a close friend of mine.
"I read what you wrote for Yat on FB. i dunno, suddenly I missed you".
although what i wrote on Fb was for someone else but it felt as though,
i've healed another.
i must have done something right to deserve this little joy...

Perhaps, my bottle is not even close to half.
a quarter? maybe...
please, do not be empty....

i believe in helping those who asked for help.
i find it hard to turn them down every time...
because by helping them, i feel like i'm preparing for a rainy day.
i hope that when my worst day comes, somebody will be there with a smile to help me through.

i hope, my bottle will be full someday.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

something, somewhere.

(today, while waiting for the bus)

I thought I was being optimistic.
Whenever something bad happens, I never let it destroys me.
I always believe that somehow, everything will pull through…
Somehow, everything will work out for the better, and not the other way around.
Even when it didn’t, I always pat myself in the back for having a job well done…
“You’ve done well. Let’s work harder next time” I’d say to myself.
“It’s okay, don’t give up”.

Whenever something difficult popped out its head around the corner,
I always see the possibility of rising above it.
Even when I’m not prepared, I just used my guts to get through with it.
And at times like that, my name really feels like magic words…
Whisper it slowly so that only I could hear…
Restores the faith in me.

but not anymore.

What has happened to me?
Why am I here feeling like this?
Was being optimistic was actually a lie to protect myself from getting hurt?
Was I that weak of a person?

The “me” 7 years back, was not the same as who I am today.
Something, somewhere along the way I have changed.
This gradual change happened without me being aware of it.
It scares me.

Without realizing it, somewhere along the line…
I’ve stopped taking risks.
Somewhere along the line, I’ve stopped being honest with myself.
But knowing the price that I have to pay to protect myself…
By losing who I really am…
That is not something that I’m willing to do, ever.

I want my hand to stop shaking.
I want to feel the rush of adrenaline when the risk I took, paid off.
I missed it so much that my everyday life right now seems meaningless…
and that pains me so much...
i can't be "myself".

Monday, August 2, 2010

7 days to graduation...

Needless to say i'm excited! ;)

never thought, i'd feel this way...
before i went to DECTAR to get my robes and hats,
i was actually...herm....i felt....(scratching the side of her head**)
thats it - nothing.
big ZERO.
i thought it'd be just like any other day.

but now, i can't wait to put on that ugly orange robes...
get reunited with my friends....
i kept picturing those scenes...
where you tossed your hats up up into the air?
okay maybe i watched too many tv. guilty as charged.

Monday, please come faster ;)


my world part 1

My newest pieces?...sketches?...
i dunno what to call 'em.