Sunday, November 17, 2013

Time to heal

I thought I'd feel better after a drive ....looking at greens and the sky...breathing in the fresh air outside of the city.
I thought the vastness of it all would somehow envelop and swallow the small sadness I have in my heart - renders it insignificant as it should be and then perhaps, makes it disappear...
But I was wrong.

The broad horizon only highlights the emptiness even more...
Screaming in my face with such brute force that I helplessly surrendered to the comfort of tears.

What was once done so easily and naturally without guilt, now is very hard for me to do.
Crying is an indulgence I don't want to give myself at this stage in life.
Crying was an indulgence my parents gave me when I was young....

This time words are somewhat powerless...and tasteless.

I need a little bit of time to heal.
Let me be.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Manila Me

I was in Manila for a week.
As usual, for a conference + holiday (sight-seeing).
I learned a lot from the experience...academically and even life, in general.
Mixed around with people - met great new friends.

I think I can finally say...I feel comfortable in my own skin.
I was kind of jumpy and fidgety before...but now I think I have finally understand myself.
I've found my way...
My way to present my thoughts.
My way of standing in my world.

Met a few great names in textbooks I have read while I was still an undergrad...
Names that I have cited in my thesis and memorized to heart.
Familiar faces of lecturers that are now, professors...
I was proud beyond words.

There were tears and some heartaches along the way...
But it's okay because now I know that it won't last for forever.
Sadness will go away.
Happiness will become fond memories.
The hurt will fade a little with time.

I am happy.