Friday, December 13, 2013

I don't believe in 'just because'

I do it because I want to.

Because I love watching the sun and the blue sky...Because I love Oreos and vanilla ice-cream...Because I have received help in the past...Because I love teaching...Because I have many dreams...Because I don't want favors be the foundation of our friendship..Because I know how it feels...Because I want to talk to you...Because I used to take the bus too...Because I love the rain and quiet...Because I was forgiven. Because life is short. Because I am my parents' daughter...

It is always because of something. 
Whatever that something is worth taking the risk and effort. 
I don't believe in 'just because'. ^^

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Keeping it together

"Difficult times happen on the way to happiness"


i try not to think of all the things that needs to be done...

but focus on getting things done as much as i can everyday.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Time to heal

I thought I'd feel better after a drive ....looking at greens and the sky...breathing in the fresh air outside of the city.
I thought the vastness of it all would somehow envelop and swallow the small sadness I have in my heart - renders it insignificant as it should be and then perhaps, makes it disappear...
But I was wrong.

The broad horizon only highlights the emptiness even more...
Screaming in my face with such brute force that I helplessly surrendered to the comfort of tears.

What was once done so easily and naturally without guilt, now is very hard for me to do.
Crying is an indulgence I don't want to give myself at this stage in life.
Crying was an indulgence my parents gave me when I was young....

This time words are somewhat powerless...and tasteless.

I need a little bit of time to heal.
Let me be.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Manila Me

I was in Manila for a week.
As usual, for a conference + holiday (sight-seeing).
I learned a lot from the experience...academically and even life, in general.
Mixed around with people - met great new friends.

I think I can finally say...I feel comfortable in my own skin.
I was kind of jumpy and fidgety before...but now I think I have finally understand myself.
I've found my way...
My way to present my thoughts.
My way of standing in my world.

Met a few great names in textbooks I have read while I was still an undergrad...
Names that I have cited in my thesis and memorized to heart.
Familiar faces of lecturers that are now, professors...
I was proud beyond words.

There were tears and some heartaches along the way...
But it's okay because now I know that it won't last for forever.
Sadness will go away.
Happiness will become fond memories.
The hurt will fade a little with time.

I am happy.

Monday, August 12, 2013

New Semester. New Chapter in it seems.... ^^

I've just been made the new Course Coordinator.
I wasn't really listening when my HC explained to me about the job...
I only have less than 8 months of working experience...
At the time, my insides went jello~ and I felt the ground shaking beneath my feet...
Honestly? I'm scared to bits.

Yes, I manage things well.
Correction: I manage my OWN things well.
Yes, I am good at planning things.
Correction: I was my only subject whenever I planned things.

I know I am in for a roller-coaster ride starting next semester...
am expecting tears, stomachaches, cat-fights, eye-rolling - all the works.

Haiizzzz....and I still owe my supervisor  the third draft before the big presentation comes October.
I'm going to Manila in Oct too. For a conference.
One manuscript due several months ago~~
yeah, you read it right. MONTHS~~

I am not sure HOW, but I'll just do it.
Things will be okay.....right?
I won't suck so bad that the university would have to shut down.....right?


In the mess of it all, my parents tried to play cupid last holiday....
I put a firm stop to it.
They have dropped the subject.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Purple Clover

I will have a one week holiday starting this Saturday...
Needless to say, I can't wait to go back home.
Funny enough, for all the things I love at home...I can't help thinking of the purple clovers nestle in a pot in the front lawn.

I have always been fascinated with leaves more than flowers.
Clovers among others, I also love autumn leaves and ginkgo.

Like magic, a bunch of purple clovers suddenly appeared in one of the flower pots one morning.
As old as I am, I am sure there is a logical scientific explanation on how it ended up there but...
this small happiness...
Let me keep its magic and romance a while longer.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Working Life

It's been a while since I last updated my blog.
A lot has happened since...
With work and study....I just can't seem to find the time anymore.

I have been working for 6 months now.
Even though being far away from home is never easy...but I kinda like this town. ^^
Nature is abundance and I have never liked the hustle and bustle of city life anyway.
Quite easily, I adapt well to my new place.
Everyday trip to work...driving by paddy fields and mountains...
kinda fill the void I feel every time I think of home.

Many of my friends doesn't know the real reason why I have chosen to do my phd away from town.
Okay, maybe not the whole story at least.
It takes 6 hours by car, back and from.
I enjoy the trip so much though because I look forward to crossing the bridge every time.
The bridge has a significant symbol being a part of my memories of growing up. ^^

I guess that is how it is with my life nowadays.
I almost never make a decision just because.
There is always a reason behind it.

While I am enjoying this learning process of getting new experiences...finding my place in this profession...
creating a name for myself...
But I am also quite worried at times...
that I am losing my 'youth'.
My young-hot-blooded self.
I feel like I'm loosing the 'adventurous' side of me.

But I am confident I will find the answer soon.
Because those who seek will find. ^^