Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My story...

I was a bit late in my years to learn how to spell, read and write. During my primary school days, I was always the last student to go home because my teacher kept me late after each class as punishments for not being able to spell as simple as the word 'one'. Frankly speaking, my mother tongue was no better.
Somehow I can't quite grasp the relations between the symbols and sounds being produced. Once, my teacher told me to participate in a story-telling competition. She got me a short story (one sentence per page) - the pictures looked simple enough - but I still couldn't read it. So it went on until i reached standard 3. I used to worry that one day i might forget my ABC. I was so scared in those days that i never recited them at school or at home within ear-shot from my parents. By the age of 10, i was able to read and write - not completely but i was getting there. I remembered feeling abundant relieves that i have never forgotten my ABC.

I started reading English novels when i was in form 1 - using the money i received from my scholarship. From that day onwards, reading has become part of my hobby and my collection of books is my pride and soul. Now looking back, the credits deserved to go to my parents; for giving me time and space and never pressure me to become something that i am not - in this case, a five year old daughter who could read and write.

So, reading...as well as English as whole, has always been a part of a 'controversial' or 'blurred' phase in my early life. When i was in secondary school, i denied of ever liking the English subject because i was afraid of it - part of me always felt inferior, fragile and insecure. I seek refuge in Science subject - believing that my ambition is to become a doctor. I let my family, teachers and friends thought it to be so too. And as I excelled in Science, I was always the top in English as well (its a mystery even to me). Even so, I remembered feeling an inconsistent throbbing in my chest every time it was time for English.

I keep lying to myself until i couldn't do it anymore. I felt lost without a dream of my own. The day i decided to take writing as my way of life - was a day of salvation.

For once, i am out in the open. Yes, i love English. After all that i have been through to reach this realization, I'm not going to give up on it that easily.

9 comments:

Delwyn said...

Hello Moonshin
That's an interesting story of your growing up with English. What is your first language. From what you said it sounds as if you grew up in NZ, is that right. I also love Japan and Poppy (my daughter) loved it all her life til she had to go and live there and fall in love with Masahiro! I have been a few times and plan to return. I did along walk through the mountains last time on the Nakasendo Way. I have also been to Korea twice. What is your connection there?
I am going back to read more of your pages
Happy days.Delwyn

Delwyn said...

Moonshin
On reading back over your pages I remember I wrote a message about who we are and how we come into ourselves...
I grew up in NZ now live in Noosa Qld Au, Where do you live and study?

moonshin said...

hello Delwyn.
thank you for visiting my blog. really appreciate it. =)

i'm sorry but i am not from NZ. i am currently studying at the National University of Malaysia. and i live in Malaysia too.

My great grandmother migrated from Japan during Japanese occupation. from what my mother told me, there's some of our relatives still living there.

i haven't got a clue that poppy is your daughter...wow, it must have been really wonderful to be able to go to Japan and Korea. i really really wish i could go there someday. i want to stroll under the sakura trees...

have a nice day, delwyn.

moonshin said...

Delwyn

now, i am in the middle of writing my thesis - 'the use of music for learning languages'. What do you think about this topic?

Delwyn said...

Moonshin hi - what an interesting thesis topic. Poppy majored (double) in Japanese and film TV which included some music.

I would be interested to know how you are tackling this subject.

Do you feel a bit Japanese?

moonshin said...

Do i feel a bit Japanese? herm... i don't know. i'm not even sure if i still have the genes - seeing that my great grandmother lived a long time ago. That's kind of a giant leap between generations - don't you think?

my mother has some of the traits though; light skin, small stature and all. Sadly, i am bit tall.

but...emotionally, i feel kinda attached to Japan in general. i've been wanting to go there since i was a kid. honestly, that dream never changes. i am familiar with simple japanese. sometimes...in certain situations, i feel more comfortable expressing my thoughts in japanese. weird huh?

Delwyn, what does it feels like to go to other countries? What attracts you most when you first arrived?

=)

Nad Kupo said...

my dear... i have a song that i want to recommend...

Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Home

The Happy Virus said...

"My great grandmother migrated from Japan during Japanese occupation. from what my mother told me, there's some of our relatives still living there."

I don't have any idea.. Seriously? You'd never told me that before... ~impressed~ hehe.

moonshin said...

well...i was afraid that people would accused me of vanity. the subject, hardly fits our everyday topic, so i couldn't just bring it up all of a sudden. right? it would be too awkward and downright 'macam bagus'. lol!