Tuesday, March 31, 2009

tears of day...


when people cried in front of me...
instead of sympathizing...i felt angry and indifferent.
feels as if my insides turns hard rock and ice cold.

i don't know how it all began...
part of me am grateful that i am not easily swayed by the tears.
but part of me am wondering...is it good to be this way?

and as i got older...i find it more and more difficult to cry openly in front of others.
even in front of my parents
i guess now...i know that crying just won't solve anything.
but even if i do...please know that the 'things' that have happened is unbearable and it had deeply hurt me.

i cried yesterday. in front of my friends...

i could not help it but swear to God i am very regretful that i did.
i did not let a single sob or sound escaped me...
and no matter how bad my body shook...how difficult it is to breathe...how sad i feel inside....
just the tears.
only the tears.

that is the last barrier...
the tears is the part where i erased that person out of my life completely.
though, i have forgiven...but...
a mistake that you make on a piece of paper,
even if you try to correct them with an eraser, it will still leave a mark on what once was a smooth surface.

31st of March:
i cried.

7 comments:

Maya Helmi said...

Woit...what happened?

moonshin said...

well...it was chaotic in class yesterday. you should have seen it. a lot of people are angry, really angry towards you-know-who. seems like the little talk that i had with her earlier during the day was pointless... i feel like a fool. i gave her a second chance to tell the truth but all that i received in the end was nothing but lies.

am i the only one who is sincere in our friendship?
after much thinking during the weekends, i decided to stay as her friend. but obviously, she didn't want me to. so...it's her lost. for all i know apart from this sem's assignments...she is no longer connected to me. i have forgiven her but that's it.

ask nad about the practical.

Maya Helmi said...

owh yeah?I'll ask nad for further story...

and be cool girl!

Miss Nadiah said...

-_-

dont know what to say.

but, girl, you did what you know best.

moonshin said...

honestly, i never think that my actions were right. it is rather the opposite. i feel ashamed and guilty and as friend - i think i have failed her.

but...i am tired of this...really, i just tired.

Delwyn said...

Its ok to cry and vent your frustration, anger, sadness, or hurt. It natural...and normal - we all do it.
If not we bottle up those feelings, they need to come out some way so if you can't cry then find another way to release them...
Like putting it down on paper...

moonshin said...

crying really do make me feel better. but later on, i always regretted it that i did.

i think i'm going to take your advice the next time...scratch that, i hope there'll never be a next time.

thank you for dropping by, Delwyn.
appreciate it. =)