How many points would you give for love?

I used to think that once a child has grown up...
She will stop loving her parents unconditionally.
Because when the ‘head’ interferes with the ‘heart’, its ‘analysis’ then, becomes ‘figurative’ and ‘factual’.
But now that I’ve somewhat grown up...I think it’s the opposite.

As a little kid...
Every time Mom took me out shopping for new clothes, my love for her tended to spike really high.
When she cooked my favourite meals...the surprise when she seems to be channelling my ‘stomach’ – picking up ‘cake alerts’ or ‘hungry vibration’ – I felt loved...and cared for.
The hospital stay became bearable each time because I’ll be waiting for her to come through those doors with home-cooked breakfast.
The small things...
Like when she waited with an umbrella outside my class on rainy days...
How she prepares, even now when I am at home...two glasses – one Milo, one cold water – for me at breakfast because I hated the taste of Milo in my mouth after sometimes.

I know Mom feels kind of left out sometimes, when I talk more to Dad about stuff...
So, this is how we connect... I change a little bit of myself around her, not out of pretence, but because I care. I appreciate. I am grateful.
I know Mom well enough now...she can’t handle stress and problem well... she panics easily and I see that not all of my family members understand.
I tell myself always be a part of the solution.
I used to nag at her... but now, I’ve stopped.
Mom, comes what may, if u need me, if you’ve made yet the wrong decision...
No worries, I’ll make everything better.

I’ve stopped counting and waiting for new pair of shoes... I’ve stopped hoping for something in return for anything...
It’s my turn now, to buy you nice things...take you out for dinner... give you pocket money...
Your gray hairs are spreading like wildfire on your head... time is ticking and I want you to smile when you are thinking of me... I want you to brag about me to your friends... I want you to sigh with relief when you get off the phone after talking to me...
I want to do right by you while I still have time...


We go out for a drive a lot... my Dad and me.
Even now, when I go back home... We’ll just naturally find an excuse to go out and explore.
We talk about a lot of things and now, I found myself quoting him in my head when things get tough.
I love it when Dad pays more attention to me than the others...

As a little kid...
The books that he has given me...even though I couldn’t read at that point in time... I always compensate with my wild imagination to understand what it says – because of that I get to ‘travel to places’ and ‘experience many things’.
Dad used to put me to bed every night...
And always...always after a cup of Milo.
The small things...
A pat on the head... coconut he took home for me that he found somewhere... weird –looking bottles that he knows I’d love to have... phrases or news papers cuttings that he knows will interest me...
Beautiful pictures from magazines or calendars...

I remember a map that used to be in my room – sprawled across the wall in front of my study desk that Dad gave me...
A map of the world.
Herm...used to spend a lot of time, gazing up at that map... sometimes, pointing at it with my finger at random to decide which country I shall ‘go to today’...
Our house might be small to others...but it is the whole world to me.
I was never chained down by its walls, thanks to you...
You have taught me that and now, I am passing it on to my students...

Dad, I know you try to buy me everything that I ask of you...
You repeatedly told me how sorry you were when you couldn’t help me with things...
But you know what? Your prayers... and your words when you say, ‘come home, I’ll be waiting’...is more than enough.
We never had a water heater...
Dad prepared hot bath for me during my exam days at school... standing over the stove waiting on the kettle to boil.

In the past...
Occasionally, I had to ‘create’ and ‘build’ some stuff that I want but couldn’t have...
But that’s okay; I have always enjoyed doing things like that...
If you asked me now, I wouldn’t have it any other way...
I am who I am today because of my family.
I don’t need to give them marks on love...
Never there’s a need to, in the first place.

Use the head to remember,
use the heart to return the love, to appreciate and to show that you feel the same.

Graduate Scholar Award

Dear....,
Thank you very much for applying for the Graduate Scholar Award for Eighteenth International Conference on Learning in Mauritius from 5-8 July. We had many well qualified students apply for the award and are very pleased to inform you that we have selected you as one of our recipients. As a result, you will receive a fee waiver for the conference registration. Additionally, you will be introduced at the conference opening session along with your fellow Graduate Scholar Awardees.


Herm... ^^ been calling Mom and Dad, Dr M, and others all day to share the news. getting this, means I am amount to something right? now i know that persuading others is much more easier than persuading yourself~

if all goes well, i'll be flying out to Mauritius this coming July ^^
Thank you, God. I am really grateful.

LOts of LOVe,
moonshin

Do I even worth anything?

I acted cool; saying those words like it meant something.
I acted like I know things; as if it is a given since I am older than you.
Naturally, I told you my life’s story.
Without shame, I gave you advices.
Without thinking twice of its effects on you, I spewed a lot of crap about life and dreams.

Have I changed anything from the Me ten years back?
Have I learnt my lesson on the day that I cried in the hall with the blank exam answer sheet in front of me?
Have I changed at all these past several years?
Have I achieved anything?

Why do I feel like I’m still that damn useless girl back then?
Why do I feel like I have yet achieved anything?
Why do I feel everything that I do is meaningless?
Do I even worth anything?

.....

JYJ - THREEvoices

Kyaaaaa~ (=^ ^=)

Afternoon rain

I woke up to a pair of big eyes...
Small fingers, small voice.

The movie that I was watching has long ended...
Leaving the wallpaper on the desktop, staring back at me...
I turned it off, absent-mindedly.

You were humming a soft melody...
Felt oddly familiar...was it from a long time ago?

Outside was raining...
Making me feel a little sad...
Such bittersweet feelings,
With a scent of sun.

What was I doing again before I got disconnected from the world?
Yeah...I could only remember faintly I was waiting...
Or was I, giving up?
Couldn’t make up which.
But in that little room with you,
It’s no longer important.

Watching the rain...
With your humming turning into singing...
I focused my heart trying to stop the time...
-to just be.

The rain stopped.
The air – warm and still.
Like a scene in a lonely art gallery,
Holding hands, we stood by the window...
With you, still with that ballad song...
By my side.

The rain might has stopped outside..
But in my world, it is not...
Because to me, you are my rain.

ACCEPTED

I am pleased to be able to inform you that your paper, has been Accepted for publication in The International Journal of Learning.

The International Journal of Learning is a fully peer-refereed Journal.
Only those papers that are accepted through the refereeing process will be published in the Journal. Our refereeing processes are rigorous,consistent, fair and objective. Each paper is sent to a minimum of two referees for review.

Common Ground journals are internationally recognised and indexed in major
databases around the world. Please visit the Journal website at http://ijl.cgpublisher.com for further information.

You will soon be offered a Publishing Agreement. Once the Publishing Agreement has been accepted you will be requested to upload a final version of your paper for typesetting and publication.

We look forward to receiving your final submission.


just thought i'd share this with u =)
-moonshin-

So, I waited - like a fool, I waited.

People can be really cruel at times.

I can take blows pretty well, I tell you.
Not my first and I’m sure that’s the case for you as well.
Most times I can just shrug it off with ‘This thing happens...’ or...
‘Just not my lucky day...’
I guess, it’s my way to protect myself from getting hurt...

But as I sat, waiting...outside the office...
Occasionally looking at my watch...counting...
30 minutes passed into 60...
60 soon turned to 90.
I sat there in the middle of other people’s lives – it felt as if mine, alone has stopped.
Even the huge office has nothing more for me to explore with my pair of eyes.

I felt their questioning gazes burned at the back of my head...
I just ignored them.
Then, a song was playing from one of the many cubicles there...
And I thought to myself, it has been long time since I’d last listened to a live-broadcast radio station...

He hurt my pride.
They hurt my pride.
I don’t have many...but they have hurt me that day.
The Me that was working so hard and so sincerely for what I believe to be true...
For what has been taught to me growing up...
For asking what is rightfully mine.
They made me wait.
He made me wait.

I focused my gaze onto my shoes.
Rather than looking like a pair that was just bought 2 months ago, it looked more like last years’ reject.
We’ve worked hard these couple of months, haven’t we?
You and I, we’re a great team aren’t we?

Thinking back on it now...
I was saying those words just in my head but I felt my throat burning just the same...
The song was definitely not helping...
I tried my best to hold it in...
I’d looked really lame if they found me crying here like an idiot, I said to myself.

A couple escaped my determination – I quickly wiped them clean...
Cursing and blaming the song as I did.
Why the hell am I getting emotional here, I thought to myself.

Couldn’t help it...
I felt like storming out of there...
I felt like shouting at the guy who caused all of this...
I felt like quitting...
But as ignorant as I am, I know I am at their mercy...
To lose my temper not only will cost me my future but it will also affect others around me...
The thought of home at that time, magnified to full scale that I felt I can’t hold it in much longer...

Feeling helpless...
It’s worst than what I have ever felt so far...

Suddenly, a student of mine turned up and greeted me from behind.
I took a deep breath, returned the greetings and smiled before she was gone out of the door.

My watch showed 15 minutes to 4 o’clock.
I’ve waited for 2 hours.
Rather than my heart, my rational mind took much more persuasion to keep me from walking away.
He told me to wait.
So I waited.

Then, suddenly he was walking towards me with the letter in his hand.
He apologized for keeping me waiting...
“Don’t worry about it and thanks a lot for this”
I gave him a warm smile and he smiled back.
Then I was gone.

I was hurt.