I feel.

I celebrated my 25th birthday only last Friday.
I usually make a big deal out of it...
But this time around, I let it passed away like any other ordinary day.
Seemingly meaningless but unconsciously significant...

Now that phrase doesn’t mean much, does it?

I was introduced as co-lecturer in class...
The ‘Ohhh~’ made me feel like betraying their trust more than anything.
I kept thinking in my head how I feel more like a student than a teacher.
I kept thinking how at degree level if you are not in it for the long run, then whatever I teach would just complicate things...
I wanted to do so much but I ended up thinking it would all be for nothing.

I have a lot of questions.
Even as a student...be it now, as a student still/ teacher/ lecturer/ researcher (whatever I am).
I cannot promise anything except that I’ll try my best.
Whatever I impart in class will be my take on life... my take of the knowledge that I have gained from my teachers.
I cannot promise that it will not be tainted by my belief, biasness and prejudices...
But I will try to do right by my students this coming Friday and Thursday.

It has been bugging me since that Friday...
How scared I was to be in that class...
To receive the news that I’ll be teaching undergrads.
Scared but at the same time bewildered by the reason why.
I chose to be in this path and no joy rivals those of teaching.
I know that...
But somehow those feelings were there.

Funny how my heart scared so easily despite what I’ve been through...
I kept comparing myself with the other teachers that I’ve known...
How different I feel we are...

But then again, what’s wrong with being different?
Some people label the others so easily and here I am, doing the same thing to myself.
I should cut myself some slack sometimes...
If not, who else would?

It is a wonderment how coming to a consensus like this with yourself clears things up so easily...

“No one can make you feel inferior but yourself”.
I should always remember this....