becoming more YOU

I guess...
I am one of those people that act or say things without thinking.
As much as I don’t want to be...
As much as I try not to be...

My mouth spits bullets and shreds of glass...
Especially when it comes to certain matters that never failed to ‘tick’ me off every time.
As if testing me to see whether I am being true to my words...
Such occasions are abundance these past couple of days...
And I’m reduced to guilt and dislike towards myself every time.
Sucks....

I’m beginning to understand that it is wrong to force my ‘logic’ onto others...
Because mine...might be unacceptable to them.

How is it that to certain people I am able to tolerate more than others?
Why is it that the disappointment is painful when it involved someone close to you?
I don’t understand it...
How do you show that you care?
And to whom should you care?

As time goes by, the more I feel that the phrase ‘growing up’ is just a pile of bull crap.
There is no such thing.
It feels more like becoming more YOU.

Some adults do worse than the average adolescences.
Some adolescence does better at life than adults.

The ME in the present understands more of ‘me’ in the past.
It feels as if...it is not wisdom that comes along with the years of living...
It is the ability to ‘understand’ YOU and then, the others.
Only then, perhaps comes wisdom, I don’t know...

Nothing is always right.
Nothing is always wrong.
As you accept that nobody is perfect, don’t forget to accept the fact that
you are not perfect as well.

It seems that every bit of searching done while living,
...the sufferings...the doubt...the regrets...the mistakes...
Are all a part of a bigger picture, not an answer.
I should stop searching for a ‘pattern’ that works for every little thing.
There is never one to begin with.

It’s just life.

At least, I am more aware now...it might not count for much....
But I'm getting there - that means something.
You should know that too.