Tuesday, June 30, 2015

My Confession about Love

I have several reasons for staying single; what’s yours?

It does not help when you are a forced observer of your parents’ relentless bickering.
It does not help when you have to witness what you thought was a beautiful marriage ended up being dismissed in court.
It does not help to see family members ceased to be family, fighting over monetary items.
It does not help when you saw your nephew asked his grandmother to be his mother…

If there is a sound for when hearts are being broken…
It was the sound when I witnessed as she threw away the trust built on unconditional love given to her by her parents.
It was the utter silence…
But on her father’s and mother’s faces screamed in such brute force… painful sadness.

Do you know what didn’t help in that situation?
I don’t think she knew the gravity of what she has done…
It does not help make anything better.
Nothing was better.

And it does not help the fact that I am a branch of the same tree and I am worried of only repeating history.
After knowing and accepting the worthless I am…
I’d rather be miserable alone than to share it with someone I might love with all my heart.

I know there are worse realities than mine…
I know that I am still far better off than some…

But when it comes to love, I am scared to give mine away.
Because since the very beginning, I am aware that mine…is not whole. 
It is not beautiful as a rose.
It is not innocent as a daisy.
It is not memorable as a morning glory.
If anything, it is like the aster – small, colorless-white, and weak.

When it comes to love…all that I have to offer is all of my ordinary self.

Love, Moonshin.

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