Time to heal

I thought I'd feel better after a drive ....looking at greens and the sky...breathing in the fresh air outside of the city.

I thought the vastness of it all would somehow envelop and swallow the small sadness I have in my heart - renders it insignificant as it should be and then perhaps, makes it disappear...

But I was wrong.

The broad horizon only highlights the emptiness even more...

Screaming in my face with such brute force that I helplessly surrendered to the comfort of tears.

What was once done so easily and naturally without guilt, now is very hard for me to do.

Crying is an indulgence I don't want to give myself at this stage in life.

Crying was an indulgence my parents gave me when I was young....

This time words are somewhat powerless...and tasteless.

I need a little bit of time to heal.

Let me be.

Manila Me

I was in Manila for a week.

As usual, for a conference + holiday (sight-seeing).

I learned a lot from the experience...academically and even life, in general.

Mixed around with people - met great new friends.

I think I can finally say...I feel comfortable in my own skin.

I was kind of jumpy and fidgety before...but now I think I have finally understand myself.

I've found my way...

My way to present my thoughts.

My way of standing in my world.

Met a few great names in textbooks I have read while I was still an undergrad...

Names that I have cited in my thesis and memorized to heart.

Familiar faces of lecturers that are now, professors...

I was proud beyond words.

There were tears and some heartaches along the way...

But it's okay because now I know that it won't last for forever.

Sadness will go away.

Happiness will become fond memories.

The hurt will fade a little with time.

I am happy.