Monday, November 28, 2011

Weight


Growing up, it feels as though there was always somebody beside me to help carry the weight.

Even now...
Be it the old beat-up bus...my Dad's car...I was and am always being 'carried' off to somewhere with somebody....
So 'spoiled', ignorant and naive that I grew accustomed of having to share the weight that I carry.
But now, as I walk on my own two feet...
Even when I leave my old self behind...
The uncertainties....the fear...the disappointment...
The dead weight in itself is heavy...

I challenge myself to a hill every time I went for my usual morning walks...
Every time it gets less and less hard.
Every time, I feel myself smiling more and more when I reach the top.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Being kids...


There is this...one scene in the Japanese Drama, ‘Overtime’ that I really like.
Two people...on a winter night, in a nearby park...
A guy and a girl playing ‘tamago game’ (penalty game using eggs)...
They were laughing like mad and the scene ended like that with one of the eggs landed on the girl’s head.

I am not sure how to explain it...
But to me, it feels innocent.
No lies. No complicated feelings.
Just...feel happy to be in each other company.

I think, most people nowadays have problems to do just that...
There is a different meaning behind each ‘I love you’ and each with a varying degree of passion.
However, all are heartfelt, true and meaningful at the same time.
It’s hard to see past the different shades but to take it any other way is wrong too.
It’s complicated...
Yeah, it is becoming more so as I grow older.

Like a test from up above, I received a couple of ‘ILUs’ these past several days.
These pleasant surprises...
I reacted naturally, acknowledging how they feel but never too much to cross that boundary to being more than how they really feel.
Sometimes, they might not even know how they really feel inside.
To protect that person...and more so, to protect myself.

In times like these, I can’t help feeling like a teacher...
“Yeah...me too. Thanks. Hehehehe...what’s up with you? Forget to take your meds huh? Hahahahahah...Did something happened?”
While I feel somewhat flattered...I sighed heavily at the same time.
Haaa~ *sigh*

But last week, there was this moment when he bade goodbye...
I was reminded of that scene in ‘Overtime’ and how I have missed having those feelings.
We haven’t talked for years...and somehow when he waved his hands at me, it felt like no time had passed and we’re still friends.

To say that I have feelings for him....Nah~
There was never anything to even begin with.
That’s not it.
We’ve shared a lot and we enjoyed our times together.
Those days we never bothered about looking pretty or good in front of each other...
Yeah...those days were innocent, I give you that.

...and when he bade that goodbye...apart from it meant what it is...
I’d like to think that he still remembers that I was and maybe am still his friend.