“Aren’t you
afraid that you’ll feel lonely?”
“No. Why
should I…?”
‘She is weak’ was what I thought of
her when Mother sprung this question on me 10 years ago after my bold
announcement of not wishing ever to be married.
If truths are to be told; I never really
meant what I said.
Because I thought life will always
treat me the same; be it 10 years ago or now, 10 years later.
I thought I knew myself well.
“When is
your daughter going to get married? She will soon be thirty…”
“She will
when she get there”
I know Mother has my back.
At the same time, I know Mother is
worried.
But for her, because my happiness
takes precedence over everything else….
She just…waits patiently by my side
and laughs all of the bad things away.
“You have
dreams and that is important”
Mother, honestly I am not as
confident anymore.
What you warned me about 10 years ago
has started to seep through my heart each day and it hurts a little, every
time.
I guess this feeling is real – no use
in denying it anymore.
While most people might think of this
as a sign for me to take the next step but I feel like I’ve taken several steps
backwards instead.
Because I think Love out of
Loneliness is the worst.
I don’t even like myself to even ask
another to like me.
And this might not be the answer I am
searching for.
Mother.
You have done great over the years.
I think what we have as a family is a
miracle. At least, it is to me.
What I have or what I am now has
nothing to do with what or what we don’t.
Please know that I am not without
love.
Please also know that you have taught
me well that love is not a ration but meant to be shared.
I am a very fortunate daughter and I
need you to think so too.
I am not sure of a lot of things.
But of this I am sure; I hold the key
to my happiness.
Not a faceless dude I have yet come
to meet.
I’ll keep you updated, always.
