Magic Tree

‘It must be a magic tree’, was what I thought.

Although I smiled to myself at the idea...

Still, I couldn’t escape its reverie, every time.

I am even surprised at how naturally I feel at awe that I am ashamed.

What I find most blindingly beautiful is not the sight.

But the fact that it is there – unchanged.

At times, the morning sun rises without mercy spreading a bout of draught across the land.

As in life, some days go bad as they can go

and some days, it gets so boring that you’d miss the storm and the draught.

But the magic tree stands through the days as it never was...

Whereas I have shed tears and much more.

I wish to be strong too, don’t you think I do?

It's a magic tree.

I don't believe in 'just because'

I do it because I want to.

Because I love watching the sun and the blue sky...Because I love Oreos and vanilla ice-cream...Because I have received help in the past...Because I love teaching...Because I have many dreams...Because I don't want favors be the foundation of our friendship..Because I know how it feels...Because I want to talk to you...Because I used to take the bus too...Because I love the rain and quiet...Because I was forgiven. Because life is short. Because I am my parents' daughter...
 

Because.......

It is always because of something. 

Whatever that something is worth taking the risk and effort. 

I don't believe in 'just because'. ^^

Keeping it together

"Difficult times happen on the way to happiness"

.......................

i try not to think of all the things that needs to be done...

but focus on getting things done as much as i can everyday.

Time to heal

I thought I'd feel better after a drive ....looking at greens and the sky...breathing in the fresh air outside of the city.

I thought the vastness of it all would somehow envelop and swallow the small sadness I have in my heart - renders it insignificant as it should be and then perhaps, makes it disappear...

But I was wrong.

The broad horizon only highlights the emptiness even more...

Screaming in my face with such brute force that I helplessly surrendered to the comfort of tears.

What was once done so easily and naturally without guilt, now is very hard for me to do.

Crying is an indulgence I don't want to give myself at this stage in life.

Crying was an indulgence my parents gave me when I was young....

This time words are somewhat powerless...and tasteless.

I need a little bit of time to heal.

Let me be.

Manila Me

I was in Manila for a week.

As usual, for a conference + holiday (sight-seeing).

I learned a lot from the experience...academically and even life, in general.

Mixed around with people - met great new friends.

I think I can finally say...I feel comfortable in my own skin.

I was kind of jumpy and fidgety before...but now I think I have finally understand myself.

I've found my way...

My way to present my thoughts.

My way of standing in my world.

Met a few great names in textbooks I have read while I was still an undergrad...

Names that I have cited in my thesis and memorized to heart.

Familiar faces of lecturers that are now, professors...

I was proud beyond words.

There were tears and some heartaches along the way...

But it's okay because now I know that it won't last for forever.

Sadness will go away.

Happiness will become fond memories.

The hurt will fade a little with time.

I am happy.

New Semester. New Chapter in Life....so it seems.... ^^

I've just been made the new Course Coordinator.

Hermm.....

I wasn't really listening when my HC explained to me about the job...

I only have less than 8 months of working experience...

At the time, my insides went jello~ and I felt the ground shaking beneath my feet...

Honestly? I'm scared to bits.

Yes, I manage things well.

Correction: I manage my OWN things well.

Yes, I am good at planning things.

Correction: I was my only subject whenever I planned things.

I know I am in for a roller-coaster ride starting next semester...

am expecting tears, stomachaches, cat-fights, eye-rolling - all the works.

Haiizzzz....and I still owe my supervisor  the third draft before the big presentation comes October.

I'm going to Manila in Oct too. For a conference.

One manuscript due several months ago~~

yeah, you read it right. MONTHS~~

Gosh.

^^

I am not sure HOW, but I'll just do it.

Things will be okay.....right?

I won't suck so bad that the university would have to shut down.....right?

right?

............................

In the mess of it all, my parents tried to play cupid last holiday....

OMG.

I put a firm stop to it.

They have dropped the subject.

Hopefully.

TC.

Purple Clover

I will have a one week holiday starting this Saturday...

Needless to say, I can't wait to go back home.

Funny enough, for all the things I love at home...I can't help thinking of the purple clovers nestle in a pot in the front lawn.

I have always been fascinated with leaves more than flowers.

Clovers among others, I also love autumn leaves and ginkgo.

Like magic, a bunch of purple clovers suddenly appeared in one of the flower pots one morning.

As old as I am, I am sure there is a logical scientific explanation on how it ended up there but...

this small happiness...

Let me keep its magic and romance a while longer.