Working Life

It's been a while since I last updated my blog.

A lot has happened since...

With work and study....I just can't seem to find the time anymore.

I have been working for 6 months now.

Even though being far away from home is never easy...but I kinda like this town. ^^

Nature is abundance and I have never liked the hustle and bustle of city life anyway.

Quite easily, I adapt well to my new place.

Everyday trip to work...driving by paddy fields and mountains...

kinda fill the void I feel every time I think of home.

Many of my friends doesn't know the real reason why I have chosen to do my phd away from town.

Okay, maybe not the whole story at least.

It takes 6 hours by car, back and from.

I enjoy the trip so much though because I look forward to crossing the bridge every time.

The bridge has a significant symbol being a part of my memories of growing up. ^^

I guess that is how it is with my life nowadays.

I almost never make a decision just because.

There is always a reason behind it.

While I am enjoying this learning process of getting new experiences...finding my place in this profession...

creating a name for myself...

But I am also quite worried at times...

that I am losing my 'youth'.

My young-hot-blooded self.

I feel like I'm loosing the 'adventurous' side of me.

But I am confident I will find the answer soon.

Why?

Because those who seek will find. ^^

TAJ MAHAL

Taj Mahal is one of the 7 wonders of the world for a very good reason...I'm more in love with it now I've really listened to its story....Glad I made the decision to go to India.

TOKYO TOWER

A visit to Tokyo Tower is actually one of the entries I've written down for my bucket list.
Yes, I have a bucket list.
I'm grateful that I get to see it with my own eyes and actually went to the top.
I even listened to Amuro Namie's Song 'Love Story' while i was up there....just as how I had it all planned out. hehehehe ^^

My First Autumn....ever ^^

Life: Just suck it up and laugh

 2 weeks visit to Tokyo, Japan.
Been wanting to go since forever...
I've visited Harajuku, Odaiba, Kasairinkai Kouen, Tokyo Tower and Fujikyu.

It has been beyond my wildest dreams...and only 2 weeks ago, I was in Delhi...I went to Taj Mahal and Agra Fort.

Looking forward to the future...I wouldn't be able to see or predict such events ever occurring in any chapters of my life....
I am, by all means, ordinary.
My background is ordinary.
I finished school, went to university and then, straight to grad school.
I landed myself a fellowship with a university so, a job is guaranteed once I've received my MA.
And I did. Next month, I'll start lecturing...

I love writing and researching...
and that paves the way to conferences and because of that I get to travel...
Living the kind of life I've always wanted since I was a child...

It hasn't been an easy ride....looking back, only now did i understand...

The days I made myself sit through boring classes...
The pain of not having means to get what you want...
Putting up a smile to people you'd rather smack down right there and then....
Having other people claiming your work is theirs....
Putting up with limited choice of food selection...
Worst of all...when you can only do so much to help Mom and Dad

The worries...the tears...the pain....

But since I'm all aware others suffered much worse....I just took it in my stride...played on some music in my mp3....and keep on walking and smiling.

All of that has given birth to today.
So...I'll wash my brand new car everyday if i wanted too.
I'll smile in pics i took during my trips.
I'll feel happy and proud of myself without feeling any guilt or constraint.
I'll do it all in moderation since I still have a long way to go...

My advice to self....just suck it up...it'll get better. Don't give up.

I will be

My VIVA went really well last Tuesday.
It was at 2.30 in the afternoon and I drove my own car over to the faculty.
6 hours worth of journey back-and-fro...
I made it home in time for dinner with my family.
Sounds ordinary to you?
It was beyond my wildest dreams, for me.
I was holding back on a lot of things before came Tuesday.
I just couldn’t move on...couldn’t act on any of my plans...couldn’t be happy and celebrate any of my good news...till I was sure my Master is in the bag.
To the society THAT is my worth.

My whole being - my very existence is my brain.
My qualification – my Master degree....for now.
That pays for my car, for my dreams, for my wish to be useful – for my everything.
Sounds pathetic?
Okay, maybe a little...
LOL.

But I am very proud of myself for the fact that I earn every penny out of my own effort.
I am very grateful.
To be able to make a living out of something that I love; that, in itself is a form of joy.
From the past, I’ve learned that...
People; aren’t always kind.
Life; isn’t always fair.
Luck; isn’t always there.

I couldn’t recommend any of my students even though they are good because my opinions carry no values in comparison to those of a professor’s.
I couldn’t keep out ‘alien names’ from invading my own work because I needed the funding, ‘publicity’ and ‘network’.
It’s funny, really.

Some kept asking whether the car I’m driving is really mine.
They used to exclaim in great disbelief to discover I went around places by bus...
Others had been wondering out loud whether I have graduated or not.
They used to have the ‘modesty’ to talk in secret behind my back but now; they announced it at gatherings among old friends.
Haaa....Life.

A little bit of explanation on my part might reduce the ‘white noise’ a bit, I guess.
But I have never been one that goes around asking people to understand and accept me.
They don’t see the whole of me just as I do them.
To me that’s makes it fair.
I’m living 24/7 and they based their judgment on me on a fraction of that time.
Logically thinking, how accurate and valid is that?
So why should I let it bother me?
What I know of my life and how I am; are facts to me.



It is a fact that I received many compliments on my dissertation.
It is a fact that a lot of people had congratulated me that day.
Upon hearing the result, I cried and was soon, embraced by my lecturers.
However, it is also a fact to me and only me that I had crossed yet another item on my bucket list and it was not my MA qualification.
I started my list 2 months ago after realizing that I am not getting younger.
I want to keep track on some that I have achieved and those that I haven’t...
I’ll be crossing out on two more comes October...maybe three.


People; aren’t always unkind.
Life; isn’t always unfair.
Luck; STILL isn’t always there.
Over-analysing things only make my head hurts when it shouldn’t.
So, I trust myself to make things happen and to better the present to make sense of the past and to brighten up the future.
I’ve passed the stage where I could only dream and do nothing...
Now, I can make things happen.
Let me tell you this that it had nothing to do with me getting my MA or whatever...
It was only because I decided to be.

thinking me...

There are times when I think thinking will only make things worst...
Or rather, it will make me feel worse.
I’ll worry.
I’ll become anxious and unsure of myself.

Should I buy that dress? Isn’t it the same with the one I bought not too long ago?
But if I don’t buy it now, who knows when I’ll get a second chance and it might sold-out...
Is this really worth my money? It’s tearing apart at the seams...just look at it.
But I really like the design and it’ll be a good match with my jacket...
.................

Now, that I have finished my courses...
I spend most days at home...catch up on some reading...preparing for my big presentation day...
Counting the days...
For what you might ask?
I honestly, have no idea...but I have taken a liking to cross out the days on the calendar every day.

Most of my friends are working and the few that aren’t live in another state far away from my hometown.
It’s hard to make a phone call or even send a text to them without having the feeling like I’ll just be a bother...
It makes me feel really lonesome sometimes.
Like I’m living in another dimension different from my friends’...
I find it funny how a simple feeling...the notion of ‘I miss you’ can become so complicated and distorted after some thinking things through...

 “It’s been a while...and I kind of wish I could see and talk to you”
It’s as simple as that.

Waiting for a call that never came...
Waiting for that person to come to you...
Most of the time, we console ourselves or rather we ‘kill’ our feelings with lame excuses such as...
“She has her own life to think about...”
“He is busy at work...and I don’t really have anything particular to say to him...”
“We’ll have other chances”

We are thinking wrong.
I think we should respond to our feelings not by lying to ourselves but by thinking how best to make it possible to come true.
If he doesn’t call you, you should call him.
If it’s a bad time, explain how you are sorry and missed him.
Come on, grow up~ ‘I miss you’ is not ‘I love you’~
If she doesn’t text you back, call her up...send a message on FB or whatever.

 Haaaa....Even though our inner voices are of our own makings; never forget to keep it under constant observation for signs of when it starts to give not-so-clever opinions, okay?
Hahahahah...I’m taking this advice for myself too. ^^