Sad and happy boxes

People like to store their emotions in spaces around them.
When they are happy, they look up.
When they are sad, they look down.
These little actions occur unknowingly...
Sometimes unconsciously, to lessen the pain that they are carrying when they are hurt.
To appreciate the feeling of joy when they are happy.

Two very different things...
Two almost the same.

When we look down, it becomes difficult to walk...
A little bump on the road can make you trip...
A little carelessness could get you into trouble.

When you look down, you are avoiding.
You are not facing it.

So, I am telling you.
Next time when something bad happens...
If looking up is too much...
Don’t look down, look forward instead.

If you still have your goal... if you still have your dreams...
If you are still breathing...
Then, look forward – move on.
Living in itself, is trying.

The saying that time will heal everything is a lie.
But with time, the hurt will fade a little.
Just a little...it wouldn’t hurt as much.

That’s the funny thing with the human brain, they remember unimportant details...
Yes, with time.... that is what they will become.

Don’t just hope for a better day.
We both know it won’t work that way.
Go, mope for a day if you have to.
Cry a bucket if you want to.
Eat a tub of ice-cream that is my crazy. Hehehehe...

Then, pick yourself up and look forward.

There will be a day again someday, when you’ll look up.
You won’t be down for forever.
You already know this, so why the drama?
Okay? Great. ^^
Make it a habit to look up and to look forward.
You’ll be fine.

lazy caterpillar

Air-con’s temp 18 degrees – checked. Remote in sight – checked.
My favourite pillows all stacked up accordingly – checked.
Lappy is on and a folder of new movies and dramas – checked.
My soft-green comforter – checked.
Sunlight – checked. I like a well-lit room during the day.
Me – checked. Specky, hair tie up in a bun with a hair clip upfront, big shirt and shorts. Okay, I’m all set.

Yep, I’m all alone in my room.
Well at this moment, these four walls are my world to me.
That is how it is – how I like to spend my days at home.
Of course, I go out and hang out with my family and friends...
But I can only do this...be like this, at home. No where else.
I feel safe.

My Dad found me one afternoon, curling under my comforter, he laughed and said,
It is difficult for him to believe that this daughter of his just flew 6 thousand km to attend a conference when she is lazy just to find the air-con remote.
Yeah, it’s hard for me to believe too.
Mom understands me very well; too well that she gives me space whenever I’ve retreated to my room.

Confined and imprison it might seem to others, it is so freeing to me.
I’m free to think about anything and not having anyone to interrupt or disagree with me.
I’m free to create whatever world I want in my head.
I’m free to travel anywhere and to be able to bend time – to go to places in my memories and to relive them.
All in the comforts of my room, my home.

I think it is a pity if a person does not know how to enjoy the ordinary things in life...
because it makes the extraordinary much, much more amazing and unforgettable.
My 1st times or my 2nd times, be it the hundredth times...I know I'll be able to enjoy it...
I will enjoy it like it is my 1st time, every time.

Now, that I am attached to university...my time to have a place of my own is near.
I won't be much at home starting next year.
So I want to treasure this moment.

After 17, your home will be just like a hotel.
You come back after a while but just to go out again, into the outside world.

As I'm writing this, I'm also listening to a song I heard a long time...
I remembered the me back then.

Curling under the comforter in front of my lappy...
just like a caterpillar.
I don't know what to call this habit of mine...or should i call it my hobby instead?
is definitely, precious.

Nobel Prize Winner - I met one.

Professor Dr. Mohammad Yunus


Think differently.
Think creatively.

He won Nobel Laureate for Peace in 2006.

I was standing by the aisle when he walked by.
I was determined to just smile at him...
But then, he reached out his hand to me...
And we shook hands.

That has made all the difference I could ever hope to gain.
He has inspired me.
He has lighted a fire in me.

I have met a Nobel Prize winner.

two feet in one shoe

I’ve been told that I am very empathetic.
I tend to delve too deep into other people’s shoes, they say.
Maybe, they are right...I don’t know.
Sometimes, I’m not sure anymore...whether what I’m feeling is really mine or somebody else’s...

I’ve been told that I am a good listener.
I listen very well and others feel safe to open themselves up to me, they say.
After I’ve been told several times...they are right, I guess.
I like to share stories when I have one to tell.
I know how satisfying and happy it’ll make you feel to have somebody listening to you...
And some stories just feel more meaningful and more joyful when shared...
I just couldn’t ignore that...
I just could not, not return that favour...

When a friend is sad, how can you not feel her sorrow?
You’ve been down that road before...
It was painful for you, why should it be too for others?
Hold her hands if words are scarce...
Pat her back if a hug is too much...
Give her tissues if tears are cheap for her that day...


When a friend received good news, how can you not celebrate and be genuinely happy for her?
Looking at how hard she works...how focus she is at it...
How can you be nothing but jealous at her success?
No need for expensive cakes or presents...
Just a sincere congratulation topped up with a smile would be enough.

When something bad happened to your friend, how can you not worry?
When your friend cries, how can you not feel something?
You, who cried watching movies which are not even real, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?

Communication goes both ways...
We need it as much as the other person needs it.
Stop and listen sometimes...
Don’t listen too much on what your brain has to say when it comes to another...
What matters is you listen to your heart.
Be true, you’ll be a good friend.

When your friend got selected over you... Fine, tell her you are jealous.
But, don’t forget to tell her as well that you are happy for her.
It’s not hard...just take a few minutes to talk to your heart...
Ask your heart what does it feels about it.
Face it.
The answer will come to you on what to do next.

If ever a friend did something wrong...
Please don’t attack her straight on like I did my friend.
Even now, I still regretted that terribly...
Instead ask yourself first, how you feel about it.
Be honest.
Follow your heart.
You’ll be fine.

How many points would you give for love?

I used to think that once a child has grown up...
She will stop loving her parents unconditionally.
Because when the ‘head’ interferes with the ‘heart’, its ‘analysis’ then, becomes ‘figurative’ and ‘factual’.
But now that I’ve somewhat grown up...I think it’s the opposite.

As a little kid...
Every time Mom took me out shopping for new clothes, my love for her tended to spike really high.
When she cooked my favourite meals...the surprise when she seems to be channelling my ‘stomach’ – picking up ‘cake alerts’ or ‘hungry vibration’ – I felt loved...and cared for.
The hospital stay became bearable each time because I’ll be waiting for her to come through those doors with home-cooked breakfast.
The small things...
Like when she waited with an umbrella outside my class on rainy days...
How she prepares, even now when I am at home...two glasses – one Milo, one cold water – for me at breakfast because I hated the taste of Milo in my mouth after sometimes.

I know Mom feels kind of left out sometimes, when I talk more to Dad about stuff...
So, this is how we connect... I change a little bit of myself around her, not out of pretence, but because I care. I appreciate. I am grateful.
I know Mom well enough now...she can’t handle stress and problem well... she panics easily and I see that not all of my family members understand.
I tell myself always be a part of the solution.
I used to nag at her... but now, I’ve stopped.
Mom, comes what may, if u need me, if you’ve made yet the wrong decision...
No worries, I’ll make everything better.

I’ve stopped counting and waiting for new pair of shoes... I’ve stopped hoping for something in return for anything...
It’s my turn now, to buy you nice things...take you out for dinner... give you pocket money...
Your gray hairs are spreading like wildfire on your head... time is ticking and I want you to smile when you are thinking of me... I want you to brag about me to your friends... I want you to sigh with relief when you get off the phone after talking to me...
I want to do right by you while I still have time...


We go out for a drive a lot... my Dad and me.
Even now, when I go back home... We’ll just naturally find an excuse to go out and explore.
We talk about a lot of things and now, I found myself quoting him in my head when things get tough.
I love it when Dad pays more attention to me than the others...

As a little kid...
The books that he has given me...even though I couldn’t read at that point in time... I always compensate with my wild imagination to understand what it says – because of that I get to ‘travel to places’ and ‘experience many things’.
Dad used to put me to bed every night...
And always...always after a cup of Milo.
The small things...
A pat on the head... coconut he took home for me that he found somewhere... weird –looking bottles that he knows I’d love to have... phrases or news papers cuttings that he knows will interest me...
Beautiful pictures from magazines or calendars...

I remember a map that used to be in my room – sprawled across the wall in front of my study desk that Dad gave me...
A map of the world.
Herm...used to spend a lot of time, gazing up at that map... sometimes, pointing at it with my finger at random to decide which country I shall ‘go to today’...
Our house might be small to others...but it is the whole world to me.
I was never chained down by its walls, thanks to you...
You have taught me that and now, I am passing it on to my students...

Dad, I know you try to buy me everything that I ask of you...
You repeatedly told me how sorry you were when you couldn’t help me with things...
But you know what? Your prayers... and your words when you say, ‘come home, I’ll be waiting’...is more than enough.
We never had a water heater...
Dad prepared hot bath for me during my exam days at school... standing over the stove waiting on the kettle to boil.

In the past...
Occasionally, I had to ‘create’ and ‘build’ some stuff that I want but couldn’t have...
But that’s okay; I have always enjoyed doing things like that...
If you asked me now, I wouldn’t have it any other way...
I am who I am today because of my family.
I don’t need to give them marks on love...
Never there’s a need to, in the first place.

Use the head to remember,
use the heart to return the love, to appreciate and to show that you feel the same.

Graduate Scholar Award

Dear....,
Thank you very much for applying for the Graduate Scholar Award for Eighteenth International Conference on Learning in Mauritius from 5-8 July. We had many well qualified students apply for the award and are very pleased to inform you that we have selected you as one of our recipients. As a result, you will receive a fee waiver for the conference registration. Additionally, you will be introduced at the conference opening session along with your fellow Graduate Scholar Awardees.


Herm... ^^ been calling Mom and Dad, Dr M, and others all day to share the news. getting this, means I am amount to something right? now i know that persuading others is much more easier than persuading yourself~

if all goes well, i'll be flying out to Mauritius this coming July ^^
Thank you, God. I am really grateful.

LOts of LOVe,
moonshin

Do I even worth anything?

I acted cool; saying those words like it meant something.
I acted like I know things; as if it is a given since I am older than you.
Naturally, I told you my life’s story.
Without shame, I gave you advices.
Without thinking twice of its effects on you, I spewed a lot of crap about life and dreams.

Have I changed anything from the Me ten years back?
Have I learnt my lesson on the day that I cried in the hall with the blank exam answer sheet in front of me?
Have I changed at all these past several years?
Have I achieved anything?

Why do I feel like I’m still that damn useless girl back then?
Why do I feel like I have yet achieved anything?
Why do I feel everything that I do is meaningless?
Do I even worth anything?

.....