Monday, July 6, 2009

...in a far away place...


every time i make a telephone call to someone...
and then, that person didn't pick it up...
or i only reach his or her voicemail...
or the call is out of range...

it always makes me feel as though that person is in a far away place...
a happy place - a place not within my reach.

the reason might simply be that the person is busy...
or out of prepaid and so on and so forth.
but still...a small feeling of being forgotten lingers...

it's stupid huh?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

never alone...


one of my close friend describe me as someone who treasure and appreciate solitude.
he said that, although i enjoy others company... but at the same time, i also look comfortable just being by myself.

i've never given it much thought before...but i do enjoy walking by myself...
with my mp3 popped in and ready...that alone is enough.

the word 'loneliness'...to me, is just an excuse.
...a hallucination to hide the feeling of insecurity...
...a shield to avoid from getting hurt...
......

how can you be alone when there's so much people in the world.
family who cares...
family who asks for nothing in return...
or...
friends who share the same thoughts as yours...
friends with the same interests...
friends who would picked up the phone in the middle of the night...

you only need to put in some effort...
so never say that you are alone.

my feet...



i used to be so proud of my feet. they used to be so fair and soft...
they are the only part of my body that i am proud of.
but now, not anymore and as i look at them...
i can only see hard ridges and dead skin.

it is no longer as it once used to be.

i used to love black sandals because the contra makes my feet looks a lot fairer.
but now, black only makes them look darker.

one of my toenails is chipped off.
i guess that's the result when you have to walk everywhere you go.

hrmmm.....my poor feet, you're sure have gone a long way, haven't you?
i hope you are up to more of walking from now on.

because i have a bunch of new places to see.

every ridges and hard lines...
reminds me of places that i've been to
i can't help but smile
and as i feel the hardness with my hands...
i feel like i've grown.

Monday, June 22, 2009

.....




.....the picture fits my emotions at the moment....
.....no need for words.....
.....it feels 'alive'.....

Sunday, June 21, 2009

my everydays in indonesia... (day 2)

11th May, 2009.
Monday: First day in Gontor Putri 1 – visiting KMI

5.00 am:
We woke up precisely 5.00 am in the morning so as not to be late for our 6.00 o’clock appointment with Ustazah Rosma. For your information, 6.00 am in the morning is like 8.00 am in Malaysia - the sun, astonishingly is already out at this hour. We went for a walk around the school. Then, we had some breakfast at the cafeteria. The noodles here are actually instant noodles. So…we had instant noodles for breakfast. Funny isn’t it? And not to mention, downright weird?

9.00 am:
The Ustazahs here are all so kind and so helpful. They are too kind to the point where we felt embarrassed and ashamed with ourselves. Although we insisted on walking to KMI(one of school's block) ourselves, they still fetched us at Wisma before going there. it's only like 100m away...it's absurd, isn't it?

Upon arriving at KMI, we were introduced to Ustazah Fitri and Ustazah Richa to explain about the academic sector in Gontor Putri 1. i was shocked to learn that Fitri is 2 years younger than me...talk about a blow to the heart! Oh well...what's the big deal, i've been told that i have a baby face? hahahahahahah....just joking =)

8.00 pm:
Since, their hospitality is too great and far more than we deserved, the four us vowed to be useful for the remaining days of our stay here. We spent the rest of the day discussing about the report – preparing questions for the next interview session, ideas for our activities here, lesson plan and also a rough draft of our report.

10.30 pm:
Fast asleep in bed - like a rock. zzzzzzzz

Monday, June 15, 2009

my everydays in indonesia... (day 1)

10th May, 2009
Sunday: Date of departure.

No matter what people say about Indonesia…no matter how reassuring my lecturers’ words are – even on the night of my departure; I still couldn’t fully accept the fact that I’ll be spending 5 whole weeks in Gontor for my practical teaching. Just the thought of it send my brain and heart straight into distress. Frankly speaking, I’ve never been on a plane before – hell, I’ve never even been to KLIA before either (please forgive me for using such crude words). So just imagine how I feel as I step onto that grey shiny pavement of the airport entrance for the first time in my life – I was out of my element.

3.20 am:
My sister and brother-in-law taught me through everything. We got on smoothly to the check-in counter. Well, I bid my family goodbyes then off I went with Teah to continue our long journey. We got into a holdup at custom by which were resolved in a matter of seconds because before we realized what the problem was, they’ve already chucked our mineral bottles into the bin. I felt sad…well, at least let us have a gulp before ceremoniously throwing them.

We waited for about 10 minutes at the delegation area before boarding the plane. It was pretty intimidating because for once, we are the minority and not the majority. I still can’t quite shake the feeling of insecurity and anxiety every time I hear Indonesian language being spoken around me. To me they have always represented one image only and that is.... Hope my journey will prove that it is not so. And I also hope that I too, will change and gain something from it.

7.00 am:
I kind of enjoy the light-floating feeling when you are on a plane. The take-off was simply exhilarating! I enjoy it tremendously! The view from above is indeed different – it was God-sent. After two hours of dozing off – at approximately 9.40 am Indonesian time – we arrived in Solo city.

9.40 am (from this point forward, the time is referring to Indonesia time):
We got off fine…filled in a couple of forms for swine flu and all. But a few minutes later, the situation took a sudden up-turn for the worst with five of us being hailed into the immigration office due to some problems with our visa. We were allowed only to stay for 30 days in Gontor if not we have to pay a fine for over-stay worth 200000 rp per day. At that point, we thought that it was still okay even if we have to pay a million for the extra 5 days we trespassed on their land but the threat of putting us into prison was really over the belt. We called Dr. Jamil and then, changed the flight home for 8th June instead of 14th June.

10.30 am:
After everything was settled, they were already waiting for us at the main lobby equipped with a banner with all of our names on it. For some reason, the ‘wan’ in my name aroused curiosity in some of them… it took about 2 hours to reach Mantingan Putri 1. The scenery that we passed by – although a lot of it are not that different from Malaysia – but there still a distinct difference between the two country. For one thing, the drivers here – I must say – are really ‘expert’ drivers. Obviously, there is no system or regulations when it comes to road safety. The drivers just honked at each other when they want to move; no signal whatsoever. I nearly got a heart-attack when our van drove straight through a bus and a car on a two lane road. They just kept on honking…

12.00 am:
Along the way, we stopped for a while at a ‘Rumah Makan’ for lunch. I got my first experience with Indonesian food there. Honestly, it is not that different from Malaysian food; there was rendang, ikan bakar, ayam goreng and ikan goreng. Of course there were other dishes, but it looked too suspicious to be consumed…so...... I braced my self to try ‘soda gembira’. Thankfully, it tasted similar with our sirap bandung but instead of using water, they used soda.

1.30 am:
We came to Gontor prepared for the worse since Pn. Hamidah has warned us of its condition. Needless to say, the size and weight of our luggage exceed the range of typical traveler. If we were to stay there for a year, from my point of view, it wouldn’t be a big problem. Our accommodation is actually very comfortable – it is called Wisma – guest houses equip with 2 beds, a cupboard, fan, and an indoor toilet (thank, God). We spent the next couple of hours sleeping since we were too tired from the journey and also for the fact that we didn’t sleep a wink the night before coming to Gontor. I guess, some of our heads must have lolled occasionally inside the van on our way to Wisma since they asked us cordially to have a long good rest.

8.30 pm:
After dinner, we went for 'keliling' which actually means taking a stroll around the compounds. All the while, we were pretty much astounded to see all of the students there studying diligently…literally everywhere! You can find them memorizing Arabic lines under the lamp post, by the side of the road, by the corridor, under some tree, by the field…everywhere there would be students reciting their lessons. 'Ustazah' (teacher) will 'ronda' (walk around) checking up on the students to make sure that they maintain their focus in the study and of course to answer any questions that the students might have. Ustazah Rosma and Ustazah Arina kindly pointed to us the names of the buildings there and also explained the daily routines or traditions in Gontor.

10.30 pm:
Still not recovered from the journey, we went straight to bed. And oh…the school starts at 6 in the morning………zzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday, June 5, 2009

i'll be coming home...

My flight home is scheduled for Monday, 8.55 am.
...just the thought of going home...
caused an explotion of emotions down in the pit of my stomach.

by Monday, it'll be exactly 30 days since i last left for Indonesia.

i was weary at first in my quest to search for meanings...
to learn something new...
to understand more of this world...

i was afraid that my journey to Indonesia would be wasted away - unnoticed.

but when i met my first group of students...
all needless worries and doubts faded away as fleeting as footprints in the sand.
something erupted in my heart.

- to be continued -