Last message...

I scavenged around the house yesterday…
Looking for relics from my childhood days’ or
even for treasures that have turned junk over the years,
just to pass the time.

I found my old photo album hidden underneath piles of old notes.
Sticking out from one of its pages was a leaf-bookmark I received
back when I was in matric...
herm…ancient.

Flipped through its pages without thinking…
Occasionally laughing like an idiot…
Spent about 2 hours on it alone.

Next to the album, was a hardcover book…
With a large sticker of Mickey’s head stamped at the front.
My old diary.
More than words had poured across its pages – I mean, literally.
Rose petals, a broken moon key-chain, several letters, cards, a pendant,
pictures, newspaper scraps, postcards, bookmarks, coupons, stickers,…

Oh God, it’s embarrassing…
Felt like I was watching a video – fast rewound – into high school days.
With me, being stupid acting in all of the plots.
Haa ~

I came across a section for messages and autograph at the end of the book.
I’ve forgotten that I used to collect these…
Running around the classroom at the end of the year…
demanding my friends to write them…
Girls’ ran at least half a page each, but boys’…
just a scratch across the page.

Out of these scribbled-noodles, one stands out the most.
It is a most peculiar signature of all.
I remember him signing it for me before he moved away.
It was on the last day of our form 2 year.

We started out as enemies at first.
With yelling and quarrelling being the usual scenes…
I’m amazed at how we ended as friends after all of that.
We often chatted on IRC in the mornings before school.

…CherryBlossom…Yuri…

He signed, “Hore”.
At least, that’s how it appears to me.
I was disappointed at the time…
With him leaving…signing something not even close to his name…
No message…like a lame joke.

Then, we parted ways and I
simply forgotten about it until a friend of mine snatched the book away,
a year later.
She opened the autograph section and said,
“Hey, doesn’t this looks like ‘I love you’ to you?”
She was pointing at the “Hore” scribble…

Herm…
It is all in the past now…
Whatever it might means, the memory is still
and will always be a sweet one.

Our last chat together…when we got disconnected for which I thought
was not forever…
I wish I had known it then...
what it might mean…
then perhaps, I would've replied you differently…

***

CB : hye…
Yuri : hi…
CB : how r u?
Yuri : 5...so how school?
CB : really, really sucks!
Yuri : y?
CB : u knw…I don’t like the boyz…
Yuri : which class r u in?
CB : 3 A
Yuri : mayb…it sucks a bit.
CB : a lot, I tell ya
Yuri : I think, last yr 2 B is the best…
CB : yupz, best class I evr had…
Yuri : me too…d people…d fun we had…
CB : ur rite…
Yuri : I bet d class wont b as interesting without me…
CB : mayb…just an itsy bitsy bit.
Yuri : ic………………………
-Disconnected-
***

Before calling quits on the ‘expedition’…
I decided to put both the album and the book away neatly,
alongside my favorite novels…
instead of the rabbit hole under the bed.

They were my best findings ever…

to have something...

To have someone that you could ask stupid questions to…

To have someone that you could call in the middle of the night…

To have someone that you could gossip and share secrets with…

To have someone just to hang out…
Swapping CDs during exam week…
Sharing a bar of chocolate and a bag of chips,
Sitting by the window - chatting…

A friend that you can be mad at a lot,
but never hate.

A friend that is like a magician…
Makes you forgive and forget.

Like a person with ESP…

To have a friend is great.
And even with just this…is enough.

plain tired...

After all of my classes were over yesterday…
After an early dinner…
I slept for 14 hours straight – not waking even once, throughout.

As uneventful as it might seem to you…my everyday life that is.
It was actually, quite an awful rollercoaster ride.
It was a laugh – yesterday – felt almost ridiculous.
One problem snowballed after another – it took a really
huge toll on my mind and body.

I tried crying but it seemed that my tear ducts were off duty yesterday.
Tried talking about it. The words came as close as my throat…
Then, it got jammed there – unable to get out.
Tried to do all kinds of things…but in the end,
I was just plain tired.

This might sound a bit cliché,
but it did felt as if light has gone out from the world.
Though that effect was not realized until later when
I accidentally bumped into a friend whom I haven’t seen for a while…
We shook hands and the first thing she said was,
“Wow! Your hands are so cold!”

I think, it was not only ‘light’ that has gone out yesterday…
I was almost ‘soul-less’…

I switched off all the lights, silenced my hand phone…
I locked the door and windows…
Smoothed over the bed covers…placed my spectacles on the bedside table…
Pulled over the blankets – enveloped by darkness.
Within seconds, I drifted off to sleep.

I’m all wide awake now.
Been sitting in front of the laptop for an hour
…writing this piece of post.
Herm…can’t say that I’m thoroughly cured and that
my energy has been completely restored…
But I do feel slightly better…
And what’s more, I have no longer felt dark inside.

Feel like I’ve cheated – getting through the tough spots –
by sleeping.
Still…I’m glad for not being broken down.

Well, what the hell…living is trying and trying is living.
Last night might be my one-day Dark Age,
but today,
I’m starting my Renaissance.

Paper Airplanes

Writing down about life on pieces of paper.
Folding them into hundreds of paper airplanes.
Sitting over the edge on top of a tall building.

With the wind blowing, the sun ablaze…

And simply without a care in the world…
sending each and every one of them sailing
across the sky to only-God-knows-where.

If only life were that easy,
I chuck a reasonable portion of mine everywhere, every time.
But like I said,
if life were only that easy…
If only life is plain – just black and white.

I’m older now.
Perhaps wiser, I don’t know…
But those dark spots in life have taught me many things…
If anything, it forms a part of who I am today…
Maybe, not as noble or as excellent – I have my broken pieces.
Well, at least…I’m easily distinguishable and far better off
than those ‘animals’ on TV.

I need them to appreciate the things that I have…
And to have the strength to work hard to have the things
which I want but don’t have.
Huh.
On my own pace, I’ll find them all in good times.

The scenery from up here is indeed beautiful.
Heck, this is stupid.
But it’s fun, so what the hell.
Life can afford being stupid sometimes –
and this is it.

I’ll chuck the paper airplanes as hard as I can…
Hope it can lessen the weight I’m carrying.

Then like always…
Pick myself up, to live tomorrow.